On a Warm Spring Day


On a Warm Spring Day

My son was born on a warm spring day

He  tried to make his way

Into this world for months

Before he was due to arrive.

He was very small and did not

Look like he would thrive.

Only a few weeks later,

He was healthy and strong.

My little boy grew fast

And was a joy to my heart.

Baseball, basketball, football,

My son grew strong and tall.

High school came and went.

His years at Auburn seemed

Heaven sent.

But as fast as he came to be

He also left me.

With no goodbye,

No reason why.

My heart is heavy with grief

To go to heaven will be a relief.

My son was born on a warm spring day

My time will come on such a day.

Advertisements

a new normal


My new normal is nothing like ‘normal’.  And I hurt, so much that it is in my soul, my body. my spirit.  I know that this ‘normal’ will eventually change to another ‘normal’.  But I will never be the same as before my son died.  Before my entire world fell apart.  I have plenty of  counseling, and prayer, and ‘advice’, but still, the fact is, I am lost.  And that is my new normal for now.

Out of Answers?: you’re not out of God


Out of Answers?: you’re not out of God.

 

I found this post on Freshly Pressed this morning.  The title intrigued me.  The post inspired me.

I have been a Christian for many, many years.  I don’t always attend church services, which disturbs many of my friends, Christian or not. My maternal grandfather was a Baptist minister.  He stopped school in the sixth grade.  Yet he became an ordained minister and shaped a large part of my life.  One sermon that he gave has stuck with me for many years.  He said that you don’t have to be in church to worship God.  You can be on a rock, or under a tree, or working in the field, and still worship God.  I cannot tell you how much that has resonated in me all these years.

 

I memorized many scriptures when I was a child because that was how we were taught.  While memorizing scripture is not a necessary practice, I have found that being able to recall a particular passage during a time of or sadness is a great gift.  I still read my Bible and try my best to understand and to apply its teachings to my life.

 

I do  not pretend to understand all the Bible says, nor all there is to understand about God.  I have been through some very tough trials, and at these times, my faith in God and my Bible give me comfort and hope.  If you have read any of my posts, you know that I recently lost my 22 year old son.  I am in the pit of despair at this point.  But, if I don’t have answers, I still have God.

 

 

 

Thirty Day Challenge


I have been reading the posts on voicesofglass.com about a 30 day Challenge.  The posts by boldkevin have been interesting and challenge me to think of things outside the pit I have been in since my son died.  I’m not quite sure who Carla is or how this 30 Day Challenge came about but here are the questions:

1.  Five ways to win your heart.

2.  Something you feel strongly about

3.  A book you love.

4.  Bullet your whole day

5.  Things you want to say to an ex

6.  Your views on mainstream music

7.  Five pet peeves

8.  What you ate today

9.  How important you think education is

10. Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play

11. Your family

12. Five guys (or gals) whom you find attractive

13. Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

14. What you wore today

15. Your Zodiac/horoscope and do you think it fits your personality

16. Something you always think “What if…” about

17. Something that you are proud of

18. A problem that you have had

19. Five items you lust after

20. Your fears

21. How you hope your future will be like

22. Your academics

23. Something that you miss

24. Five words/phrases that make you laugh

25. Something you’re currently worrying about

26. Things you like and dislike about yourself

27. A quote you try to live by

28. Somewhere you’d like to move to or visit

29. Five weird things that you like

30. One thing you’re excited for.

 

Some of these topics seem easy enough, others seem difficult and some seem impossible.  Actually, the only one that is impossible is number

10. Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play.

 I may be the only person in the universe who does not have a music player, ipod, or whatever.   I’ll have to devise some way to address that challenge when it comes.

 

For now, I’ll be thinking about Five ways to Win my Heart.  That’s going to be a tough one as my heart is broken right now.