That one second


That one second.   There is no way I could describe this feeling any better.  That second when the coroner told me it was an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound.  What?  No, not my son.  I had just talked to him.  He was happy.  He was looking forward to graduation in December, a choice of jobs, a new football season, a date with a girl he really liked.  The detective says he can find no reason that my son would commit suicide, unless “he was not in his right mind”.  Maybe drugs, but maybe not.  We don’t know.  We won’t know for months.  There were no indications of foul play at the scene, but there are some unusual circumstances surrounding this entire event.  An investigation continues.

If my son committed suicide, I will never know why.  I worried about a lot of things while my son lived, but suicide was the one thing I never worried about.  All of his friends say he is the last person on earth who would commit suicide.  So, WHY?  What happened on that day?  What could have been done to prevent it?

I will walk in the next Out of the Darkness walk in Birmingham, AL.  I will reach out to others who have become survivors of suicide.  I will be there for other parents, whose worst second was the one in which they learned their child was dead.  I will treasure my memories of my son, who brought light into every room when he entered.

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