I just hate it when I write something, hit publish and it totally disappears into cyberspace, never to be found again! Does that ever happen to anyone else?
I wrote to tell y’all that I’m back. The past two months since my son’s death have been hard. Posting was not on my to-do list. Now, I can barely remember what I wrote just a few minutes ago. All I can say is that I have been writing letters to my son, Donald Gwarjanski. I know he won’t be reading them, but I am sure that in heaven, he knows my feelings. I can feel his presence often. I write him letters telling him my feelings, what I’m doing, how his family and friends are, and my Bible verse for the day. It soothes me when my heart aches with the knowledge that I can’t call him on the phone, text him, or drive to Auburn to have lunch with him. It helps when I am overwhelmed with the details that must be dealt with after any death, much less an unexpected, violent death. I spent my career in law enforcement, but dealing with detectives, no matter how nice they are, is not something I would have associated with my personal life. The death of a child is one of the most horrible things any parent can face. Make that, THE most horrible thing. Fortunately, or unfortunately really, I know others who have lost children and I can talk to them about feelings that others cannot, and should not even try, to imagine.
I have kept up with the blogs I follow. Reading is one of the few things that transports me out of my hurt, out of my four walls, and out of my city, to other places and thoughts that I might never encounter on my own. I appreciate the effort you make to post. I am going to be posting regularly, although I have not the slightest idea what topics I will address. This will take a good bit of thought. Until then, those of you who have followed me, keep in touch. I need and treasure your encouragement.