A grey world

If you are reading this thinking it will be a book review, then you may be disappointed.  I have not read Fifty Shades of Grey and don’t plan to. This post is about how my life feels after losing my son who was only 22.  
The sky is blue, I know this.  The sun is bright.  I know this also.  There was a ‘blue moon’ on August 31, which was a beautiful sight.  Fall is upon us, and football has started.  I wore my orange and blue for Auburn University’s first football game of the 2012 season.  But it all looks grey to me.  The world is less bright, less colorful, less alive without my son.  I feel grey.  I see grey.   There is a grey mist over the beauty of this world, or maybe its just a mist of tears.  Something inside me has died with my son. Some part of me is gone, gone forever.  My son brought life and joy to my world.  That is not to say he was perfect or that everything always was easy.  But his love for me and mine for him was boundless.
Today, it has actually been grey except for a few minutes in the early evening, when the sky was blue and I could see the beginning of sunset.  I knew God was showing me the promise of tomorrow, the promise of healing and peace, in his time, not mine.  The rest of the day it rained.  We need rain as much as the rest of the country, but today the rain echoed and amplified my grey mood.  Thunder is rolling, rain is falling, and the darkness of night has descended.   Another night to be endured, with dreams that make me toss and turn and to awaken in the morning tired and listless.
My hope is that slowly the grey will fade and that I will be able to see the colors of this world.  I am reminded of a movie I watched years ago, I can’t remember the title now, but everything was black and white until slowly, one by one, people began to live and there was color in their lives.

5 thoughts on “A grey world”

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I have just returned home after spending the weekend with past students who were mourning the loss of their 23 yr old friend. The loss of life of men this young is heartbreaking. Stay strong dear lady xx

  2. Katherine – it is good to see you back online and posting. Your post was very beautiful and poignant. There are a lot of platitudes I could put out there and mean every single one of them would be true. But I won’t. Just know you’re not alone and there are people all around you who will help you in anyway possible to bring some light into your hazy world. I see you have nine days until a girl’s beach trip! I hope that you plan on still going. You need to rejuvenate yourself and I can’t think of a better way. 😉 Hugs my friend.

    1. Thank you Lori. It is hard to post because there is so much to do and then I’m exhausted. But when my mind starts whirling, I start thinking of writing. yes, I am going to the beach. It has been planned a long time and it is my favorite place on earth. Walking on the beach, burying my toes in the sand, listening to the waves crashing on the beach, feeling the sun on my face….all these things recharge my battery. Hugs to you. Hope that migraine is getting better.

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